Of Chardonnay and Roses

I used to hate roses. I believe I even mentioned that fact. Do they ever listen? Then again, one's tastes can change....

Having had little exposure to the intricacies of romance, I am enthralled by the most recent introduction. It's entirely too easy to be drawn in by something (and someone) so attractive. One of those "the body overrides the mind" kind of things. It just sort of takes over completely without permission. What's worse is that I don't care that it has.

It would be so wonderful to be able to see into the future and save yourself from the negative consequences of letting go of your heart. But since that's impossible, the ride goes on with all it's twists and turns and the brakes off. All you can do is pray for the best of possibilities while you sacrifice a little more of your soul to an uncertain future.

It's like the tall building theory: You jump without looking down, without looking back. You just take the leap with your eyes closed and your mind screaming for a safety net and a soft landing and your heart loving every second of the fall.

Perils of Mommyhood

Babydactyl has decided that 5am is the best time for waking up. Isn't she an angel? So I am able to sit for an hour having my coffee and checking my email before getting ready for work. Very thoughtful of her, I thought.

Gus-gus and Twiddlebug like to make sure not to miss anything that goes on at night. Bedtime at 8pm really exists only in theory in this house. They might be in bed, but it doesn't mean they're going to sleep in there. Oh, no. And miss all the fun?

Gus-gus is three and likes to pretend he's an orangutan. In fact, I think he's PART orangutan. He has an amazing ability to scale up just about anything. I think he's either gong to be an acrobat or a spelunker. Twiddlebug simply instigates and offers new and exciting ideas.

It started off innocently enough. The little (ahem) angels were in their beds, reading quietly to themselves. Too quietly. I was on the phone with my mommy's-going-crazy-and-I-need-someone-to-talk-to-NOW friend, Cheryl. (we share stories of disaster from our respective households). Then the giggling started. That's never a good sign. I called upstairs a couple of times with the usual warning, "It's quiet-time, please settle down." As if I expect it to work eventually....

After a few minutes, I heard some loud thumps and louder giggling. Situation becoming critical. Time for stronger action. The dreaded I'm-going-to-count-to-three-so-you'd-better-listen. I'm hoping that one works eventually. Got very quiet for a couple of minutes. I was almost beginning to think things were going to be peaceful. Jumping to conclusions is a bad idea, ladies and gentlemen.

As Cheryl and I got back to our conversation, the screaming began. Bone-chilling screams of "MOMMY!!! OWWWIIEEE!!!" This was definitely a bad sign. I ran up the steps and into their bedroom to find Gus-gus halfway up the outside of his headboard, which has rails and is about four feet tall. His leg was lodged above the knee through the rails and he was stuck in mid-air. I dislodged the leg and put my little ape back to bed, consoling him. He wants to be Spiderman. I think the spiderweb malfunctioned, or something.

Twiddlebug starts school soon, but Gus-gus has a couple of years. I hope we both survive that long.

Smile (Just to be with you) :: Chris Rice

Sometimes you realize that God has a wicked sense of humor. Life gets so crazy that you think it'll never slow down. Then all of a sudden something amazing happens and you realize that you really hope it doesn't. The rollercoaster ride becomes welcome and the craziness the greatest gift imaginable.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How far are you, how close am I
I know your words are true and I don't feel them inside
Still I believe you'll never leave
So where are you now

You're all I have, You're all I know
Your breath is breathing in my soul
Still I am gasping, aching, asking
Where are you now

Cause I just wanna be with You
I just want this waiting to be over
I just want to be with You
And it helps to know the Day is getting closer

Every minute takes an hour
Every inch feels like a mile
Til I won't have to imagine
And I finally get to see You smile

My journey's here, but my heart is There
So I dream and wait, and keep the faith, while You prepare
Our destiny, til You come back for me
Oh, please make it soon!

Cause I just wanna be with You
I just want this waiting to be over
I just want to be with You
And it helps to know the Day is getting closer

Every minute takes an hour
Every inch feels like a mile
Til I won't have to imagine
And I finally get to see You smile

With broken wings

The politics of dating for someone who's been out of the "loop" for a while are frustrating at best. It 's not just that people act completely stupid when there's some sort of attraction. There's also a very fine line between being attracted and no fireworks at all. Anything in the beginning stages can swing the pendulum in either direction. And with very little notice.

Two people see each other across a crowded room and there's a definite spark. It's pretty exciting for a few days. They go on a couple of dates and can barely handle the rush of hormones. Then one fateful day, one of them realizes that my God, this might actually lead to something.... And as they head quickly and quietly down the back alley, the other person is left to wonder what the hell happened.

It never really matters what sweet nothings are whispered those first few times together. Most of it is uttered with perfectly good intentions, but very little of it actually has any depth. And it doesn't matter how beautiful or sincere it sounds at all.

So whatever happened to letting fate take it's course? What's so scary about having the opportunity to share life's adventures with someone else? Getting hurt's going to happen if you trip over a bump in the sidewalk right outside your own front door. It certainly doesn't mean you should lock yourself in your room.

For all the negative aspects of having your heart ripped out and stomped all over, the positive aspects far outweigh them: talking, laughing, private jokes just between the two of you, watching movies in the dark, teasing each other relentlessly... and think of all the dirty little things that are not appropriate for this forum. Why shove all of that under the rug just because your heart's a little scarred?

Brush off your dusty superman cape and take a dive off that tall building... Sooner or later, most of us learn to fly. Sure it's scary to take that leap. But wouldn't it be better to keep trying until maybe, just maybe, one day you soar safely into the arms of an angel who's been waiting for you?

Adventures in reality

You never really know a person by who they are online... But in reality, you can never tell in person, either. We think we know what a person is like by simply gauging their opinions and reactions. But some people are very good at deception, and some of us are quite easily led. Even the safest of assumptions could turn out to be wrong.

A person might seem sincere - go out of their way to help people, even - and then you find that it was either all an act or they're not quite as nice as they've made themselves out to be.

Everyone has character flaws. It doesn't make them necessarily bad. We sometimes don't take into consideration that our actions actually have a positive or negative effect on others. It's quite often something that's very easily overlooked. So when someone is wronged by our actions, it can come as a complete surprise.

We all need to put the "shoe on the other foot" once in awhile...

Where's the remote?

Friday night. It was a long week at the office, and I'm so relieved to be home and sitting here in my comfy arm chair in front of the puter I could giggle insanely... Not that anyone who knows me would be surprised in the least by that.

It would be fantastic to get out this weekend (assuming I can get the sitter on short notice), but so far, no plans. The extent of my outings will likely consist of laundry and groceries. It's going to be one of those nights when chocolate chip ice cream will come in very handy...

Why I drink strong coffee. An essay.

Sleep is an underrated commodity. But who wants to go sleep when there's always something more interesting to do? After a couple of weeks though... I'm here to tell you, it really catches up to a person.

I've spent hours learning the delicate art of design (and barely mastered the basics of html, mind you), chatted with friends and relatives until all hours and had countless midnight snacks (good thing I have a great metabolism, ain't it?).

It's interesting that you can be too tired to move, but so bored you can't possibly imagine sleep. And the boredom usually wins out. Or just plain curiosity. There always seems to be some ridiculous reason I just have to stay up a minute or five longer. Which always turns into an hour or three.

Then there are those nights I'm too tired or bored to care. So I think, "I'm going to be a good girl tonight and go to bed early. Won't it be great to get a whole eight or nine hours of sleep in one night??" Right....

It has never failed at those lovely extra-sleep-promised nights that I am awakened in the wee hours... Usually by Baby-dactyl, but occasionally by the neighbors who drink until early morning and are either fighting or having ungodly-sounding sex in their hottub.

The baby's cries aren't so bad. If she has her bottle and Mommy's voice, she'll go back to sleep - after I'm fully awake and can no longer lull myself back to sleep.

The neighbors are another story...

The fine art of blushing

Have you ever misconstrued a situation so completely that your reaction outweighed the negative circumstance? Well that's me to a T. I happen to be a professional.

SexyGeek has actually been working his rear-end off, and I got mad when he overslept and missed our date. Not that it's a great feeling to be stood up. But I can sympathize. And would you listen to me?? It's disgusting what a crush can do to a person. Downright nauseating.

Which brings me to another point: Isn't it strange how two grown, mentally stable people act when they decide they enjoy each other's company? Why do people turn to blubbering mush around each other when the hormones start racing? One minute, you're flirting your butt off with the hottie next to you, and the next, you're blushing and giggling uncontrollably when he so much as glances in your direction. Ok, maybe not quite that bad. But close.

It's also interesting how hard it is to bring yourself to admit you'd like something to develop from the flirt stage. I've been on the hiatus from men so long that it no longer mattered whether one was around or not. And then SexyGeek walks in. BAM! I'm a drooling idiot. Ok, so he's amazing: smart, funny, very good-looking, sweet, loves to do nice things for people, looks like the vampire in Bram Stoker's '92 version of Dracula, has a JOB, and plays guitar. All that and a geek, too. Ok, where were we, again...?

Will you still respect me in the morning?

The world doesn't revolve around an individual. There are actually a whole lot of people in it who also have lives and plans and can be quite busy. So when one of those other people take time out of their busy schedules - even alter that schedule - in order to spend it with you, it might be a good idea to give them some kind of freaking clue about it.

Common courtesy should still be commonly used, don't you think? There's more to life than sitting around waiting for someone who's not intending to show up. I personally would like to live that life and not have to worry that I've wasted precious hours when I could have been doing something worthwhile.

That being said, I'm going to bed. which I *could* have done several hours ago had I not thought I had plans tonight. If I didn't really like the darn guy, I might be *really* ticked. But we'll see how I feel after I've slept on that thought. Or after I've actually heard something solid.

Bleary-eyed

Another late-night escapade on the computer... Only this time it's not my geek-crush that's keeping me up, as it has been all week (which I don't mind at all and quite honestly look forward to). Tonight it's this blog. Perfecting, reviewing, rejecting, redoing.


I've spent hours going over the code, learning from websites and various tutorials. It certainly looks better than when I started. Now, however, I'm becoming sucked in by the variety of "toys" for my little home on the web. And there are many. I'm sure they'll change with the seasons, if not by the week.


Now what's not so good about this little scenario is that I'll not be sleeping in come morning. I'm sure that Baby-dactyl will be up with the sun, wanting to play. Which puts me one more night in debt of decent rest. I am, quite honestly folks, a complete idiot.